Category: Uncategorized

“I’m just a regular, degular, schmegular girl…”

On By savagelyshanayIn Personal, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today is the sixth day of the new year and I have yet to set any resolutions. As a rule, I try not to set the bar too high, I know myself remarkably well and unfortunately, I have a stronger bond with sleep than a mother has with her child. From experience, I know not to say I am getting fit or some bizarre shit like that, so I attempt to keep it simple; well, I suppose it isn’t simple, I just won’t have to participate in much physical activity. For me, this will be a year of growth, I am dismissing all of my fears and embracing the infinite possibilities that surround me each day. Irrational fear has a way of taking control and 2018 is the year that comes to an end.

Here’s an interesting fact, I am deathly afraid of the ocean. Don’t get me wrong,  I love sitting by the water and listening to the waves, but while pondering over the numerous unknowns of such an enormous space, I feel a bit uneasy. According to the National Ocean Service, the ocean covers roughly 70 percent of the earth’s surface and only 5 percent witnessed by the human eye. Correspondingly, that is what scares me, there are innumerable aspects of the ocean that may remain unexplored; and strangely, I perceive life in the same way. There are countless goals I wish to obtain, yet the uncertainty keeps me from pursuing my biggest dreams; not to mention, I anticipate every outcome before diving headfirst into foreign waters. So, this year I am striving to release the irrational fear of the unknown and immersing myself in the undiscovered parts of where my life is heading.

Every day I find a new reason to discard one of my dreams and that type of negativity is unwelcome in 2018. For some time now, I have said this year is “the” year and I wholeheartedly believe it. Furthermore, it may sound cliche, but I aim to speak this fact into existence. As I am learning to let go of fearful thoughts I constantly remind myself not to compare my life to others, considering each person is on a different path. Although at times, it may be a difficult pill to swallow, I am blazing my own trail and I am tremendously proud of that. In my newly found opinion, fear is just another word for motivation and I hope as I grow in this new year I can assist others in recognizing that in themselves.

Truly, I have never been this excited for a new year, there is an enormous amount of possibilities in sight. Willingly, I intend to accept every challenge placed in front of me and power through all obstacles I encounter. Greatness is the only concept being tolerated in 2018, and I intend to hold myself to that statement; I aspire to have a Cardi B year, astronomical success while unapologetically staying true to who I am becoming. New Year’s resolutions have never been something I have cared too much about in the past, but this year I’m attempting to step outside my comfort zone. Wish me luck as I journey deeper into self-discovery and relinquishing undesirable fears. Stay tuned as I make 2018 my bitch!

 

 

I’m Horrible at Titles

On By savagelyshanayIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

HI! HELLO,

And welcome to my page.

For a few days now, staring at this blank page has consumed the majority of my time; the blinking cursor taunting me as I compile a list of all the adjectives I could or should affiliate with properly describing myself. One of my biggest struggles is speaking in regards of who I am and all I wish to accomplish in my life; this is partly a result of being self-conscious and holding myself to an exceptionally high standard. Characteristically,  I am an extraordinarily strong and outspoken individual forced to fight through several unfortunate situations, so at times I can be excessively intense. I’d love to portray myself as a perfectly put together person, but I have become set in my own neurotic ways. Preferably, I aim for everything to correlate with the way I irrationally planned in my over-active brain; I tend to become a little dramatic if plans deviate from the original concept. As a result, my mother has deemed me a “drama-queen” and I proudly claim the title.

The impeccable woman who raised me has been tremendously influential in my life, she is the reason for everything I am and all I will become, it’s immensely cliche, yet one of the truest statements I will ever compose. My mother is an extraordinarily strong woman and raised me to be even stronger; in addition, she’s an exceptionally hardworking and has been a sensational role model for my sister and me. Oddly, I have always been unusually open with her, therefore, my mother and I have a magnificent relationship. While I grew up, she began as a strict parent, but she surprisingly turned out to be one of those “cool” moms, and that’s a result of her knowing I couldn’t lie to her, although I frequently tried, it wasn’t possible to fool her. Thankfully, I have always known I can count on her no matter the circumstances and she will be one-hundred percent supportive. And that is honestly such a blessing, not enough people have the luxury of having a mom as their best friend.

As I mentioned earlier, I struggled to make it through a couple rough circumstances, and unfortunately, I used a few alternative methods to aid in that healing process. Though there was no true relief, I continued to try to suppress those memories. As a result of my extracurricular activities, I decided to press pause when it came to school and that set me back a couple semesters, but I eventually pulled my shit together. I failed a lot of classes before I finally decided it was time to stop allowing the past to control my future and I now have an English degree. Being a college graduate is something I am immeasurably proud of, I am the first one to obtain a degree in my immediate family and I put forth a colossal amount of effort to assure my mom could say “her baby” has a degree. There were moments when I almost gave up; regrettably, during my time off I had almost convinced myself I did not need to finish college, but I decided to continue and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

People repetitively ask me why I wanted a degree in English, they do not view it as practical and be that as it may, I have always had an inexplicable love for writing and anything involving literature; I hope to one-day influence others as countless authors have inspired me. Finding a piece of literature that captures my attention from the moment I turn the first page is one of my favorite activities. For instance, I am constantly searching for a story to get lost in and detach myself from whatever reality, I may be facing at the moment. So when I am writing, I intend to look at situations from the reader’s perspective; I want the plot to be relatable, but also an escape from the turmoil of the average person’s everyday life. Writing has always been an outlet for self-expression and I firmly believe that words hold a lot of power. To clarify, words can impact any situation, whether it’s pleasant or harsh; so, with all the negativity floating around I chose to exude positivity, while still maintaining my strong opinions. My biggest goal in life is to impact others through my writings. For as long as I can remember, I have always turned to literature, with this in mind, I frequently find myself way too attached to the characters, often forgetting they are not real. Honestly, I did not know fictional characters could play such a large part in my life and I am so grateful for the stories they are a part of. When I ponder upon my life twenty years from now, I hope to be able to say I have done the same thing for another individual, that is of the utmost importance, even if I only help one person, I will be ecstatic.

Traveling the world is a hobby I am indubitable passionate about, since I graduated college, I have had the privilege of seeing a lot of new areas. In August, I left Kentucky to move to Nevada and although that was a huge change, I couldn’t be happier with the decision I made. Nervously, I left my small hometown to adventure the west coast and so far it has been marvelous. Unexpectedly, I have grown to love the outdoors, everything in the west is so beautiful, huge mountain ranges surround me, which compel me to go out and explore. Living a short distance from Lake Tahoe is such a blessing, I can’t express the beauty of this place and pictures will never do it justice, it’s just something you have to see in person. Every day I wake up and I feel like I live inside a calendar, and although, I miss Kentucky, the west coast has stolen my heart.

Rambling is a skill I have become unbelievably experienced at, so if you made it this far, thank you! With this piece I have challenged myself; I’ve never done well at speaking in regards to myself and I will continue to work on my confidence. Furthermore, a  lot of exciting things happened for me in 2017, and with its ending right around the corner, I can’t help but wonder what 2018 has in store for me, I have always said a lot can happen in a year, so stay tuned and see what great things happen in 2018!